What’s it really like being a black woman abroad?

Living abroad is such an individual experience. It’s unique to you and no matter how similar you may be to other expats, your experience will always be different. There are a lot of reasons behind this. Your background, beliefs, where you move to, and your expectations, are just a few of them. I can only speak from my experiences because that’s all I really know and comprehend to a certain extent. As you can see from the name of my blog undoubtedlyhazy, I haven’t figured out a whole lot yet. But still, here we are. So if you’re black, POC, or just wondering what it’s like being a black woman abroad, here’s a little something from my own experiences.

Why does this matter?

The topic of race is a delicate one. But while it’s only just a distant topic for some, it’s a constant reality for others. I’m lucky to have been born at a time when I wasn’t segregated for my race in my own country. I never experienced the hardships that a lot of our great-grandparents and the people before them experienced. At the same time, I have my own struggles with race while living abroad but I also positively benefit from it. A lot of the stories we hear from black people or POC and their experiences aren’t positive or uplifting. And even when they are, it’s almost always a struggle story, which turns around. And while I sympathize and hate that this is usually our reality, I’d also like to point out the good in living abroad as a black woman.

But before getting into any of those, I want to highlight a few things.

• I don’t believe in not seeing color. I think that’s part of the problem. Color does exist. We’re not the same and it’s okay to acknowledge that. Here’s a quote I agree with.

It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept, and celebrate those differences.

Audre Lorde

• I don’t believe in making everything about race. I know POC that do that and I think that’s one way to make your life miserable as a POC abroad.

Let’s say you’re on a bus and someone hops on and stands—ignoring the empty seat next to you. You might think they did that because you’re black. But maybe you’re wrong. Maybe they’ve been sitting all day and really want to stand. Or maybe you’re right and they didn’t sit because you’re black. That’s not your problem. It’s theirs. You don’t have to torture yourself because they choose to do that to themselves.

The not-so-fun parts of being a black woman abroad

You’ve probably heard some of these before. Maybe from other black women living abroad. Or from other expats that moved to other countries. Some of the struggles of being a black person abroad have to do with race and others are more cultural than racial.

While things like feeling segregated or stared at by others can be a big struggle for some, it’s not one for me. At some point in my life, it was (when I just moved to Turkey). But not so much anymore. I really don’t care about it and if I’m ever worried or self-conscious, it’s because of my outfit. Or I tell myself they’re staring because I’m pretty.

Nothing else.

This has been a huge point of growth for me. It took a while and I feel proud of myself. So at this point, the only downsides I experience as a black woman abroad are:

1. Finding a cultural balance

Maybe moving to another new country didn’t help so much with this one! 🤣 I sometimes feel like I’ve been away from home for so long, I’m almost out of tune with it. The last culture I was part of was the Turkish one and because I don’t fully resonate with it, I feel a cultural imbalance. I missed out on a huge part of being a young adult in my country and I feel the absence of that experience.

Sometimes connecting with friends, and hearing stories from other expats that just left home can be a little unsettling and create feelings of loneliness. Even though I miss my family and country, I’ve adapted to not being there. Naturally, I’ve forgotten a couple of experiences because they happened at least 6 years ago. The places I went to are now different, and so are the people.

And sometimes, I may not connect to other black people even though we’re the same race. This is normal because our similarity in our race doesn’t necessarily mean we have similar upbringings and views. Or that we enjoy each other’s company. It can be a struggle even with other Africans.

Finding a community within myself and with others is something I’m still working towards. I’m learning to validate my experiences and make room for them while sharing that space with other people in my life.

2. Knowing people’s intentions……. especially when it comes to dating

If you’re black and abroad, you’ve probably been called exotic. It sounds flattering, at first, but then starts to get old. I don’t like called exotic or anything that implies that. And people won’t always call you exotic. But they treat differently and you can see it. Could you use that to your advantage? Possibly? Would you like it? Depends on who you are. For some, having a black friend is like doing some good deed to the world. And forget about modesty, people want to show how great they are. They’ll flaunt you.

I wouldn’t say I experience that now. But I did in Turkey.

Sometimes, this places out in a different scenario.

Black people are heavily sexualized. I’m surprised by the number of white men that asked me if I’ve been with a white man before. And I can see that they’re yearning to offer themselves when I say no, and how their egos are almost bruised when I say yes. In a world where women still get shamed for being sexual, being sexualized plays out better for black men. As a woman, you can’t always be sure if someone genuinely likes you, or if they’re looking for a new experience. Some they’re trying to satisfy some type of fetish.

And nobody wants to be an experiment.

For others, it’s just fear of people that are different from them. What’s worse is most don’t even know what they’re afraid of. Sometimes it’s insecurities. It’s a whole world full of possibilities.

3. People wanting to tell you who you are

Even if it’s not direct, it’s something you experience. This comes from the people you meet or people you left back home who expect you to be a certain way because of your race. I’ve talked about this before. This isn’t so much of a struggle now, but every now and again can still be a nuisance. Sometimes people are awkward and not sure what to say and so just blurt out some stereotype, hoping you relate. Other times, people are just rude and judgemental and expect you to be a certain way based on your race.

For example, I like spicy food but not hot food. And yes, there’s a difference. One of my pet peeves is how these two are used interchangeably when they don’t mean the same thing. Anyway, as an African black woman, I enjoy Indian or Turkish food way more than I do Nigerian food.

That, to some, is very surprising.

While I don’t think you need to change completely to suit your environment, you still need to adapt. Whether that’s to new food, new climates, hobbies, and or interests. You can’t expect people to stay the same.

Another weird thing is when other black people expect you to be a certain way. And a lot of the time people will project their fears and insecurities onto you. I refuse to accept something that isn’t my reality or doesn’t match my beliefs.

4. A few other struggles:

While I don’t feel like I necessarily struggle with these things, they still exist and may resonate with other black women living abroad like:

• Having language barriers.
• Having certain limitations by law based on maybe country of origin.
• Not being able to practice your religion as you would like.
• Not adapting to the food.
• Not able to find hair salons that can work with our hair texture.
• Not being able to get clothes (especially jeans that fit well) thanks to our curves.
• Being oversexualized.
• Being asked stupid questions.
• Being discriminated against.
• Homesickness.

The could-work-to-your-advantage parts of being a black woman abroad

If we take the Law of Polarity into play, we’ll see that there’s good in everything—including living abroad as a person of color. Of course, things I’d see as positives can be subjective and not necessarily positive for someone else. That’s expected.

Additionally, a lot of the good things I experience abroad don’t just happen because I have a certain skin color. It’s that, plus many other things about who I am. As there is only one me, no one else’s experience will be like mine. A few things I think work in my favor as a black woman living abroad are:

1. You stand out

People notice you. They make act like they don’t but they do. (Not to sound cocky or anything. 😅) But this is the mother of all perks. What you decide to do with that attention is up to you. I know people who’ve become professional models because they had a look no one else did. Of course, they had to have the skills too but being different gave them an upper hand.

It can be the same with dating. Physically, we look very different and there’s a lot that comes with that. People are curious about our story, how we got where we are, where exactly we’re from, how great of a dancer we are, and all the other not-so-bad stereotypes.

And in some places, any non-POC seen with you gets street cred. They get to experience that attention too. I haven’t been on this side, obviously, but something I’ve heard from my non-POC friends. (Mostly in Turkey).

Which makes sense? How many black, melanin-popping Zambian girls do you see in Europe? Not that many. 😉

2. You give a different type of value. Diversity in the workplace?

Diversity is such a common word you’ll hear in the corporate world. People, brands, and companies want to appear to be for the people. They want to show that they’re progressive and inclusive. That’s something any minority group can benefit from. On one end, it may suck to be looked at as a number that companies want to have, but that’s the world we live in.

I got a lot of opportunities that I wasn’t qualified for when I lived in Turkey because people thought I was sympathetic. They never said that about my white friends so my race was working to my advantage. As I earlier mentioned, I did have some skills but I still needed to learn a lot about these jobs. Their faith in me, made me want to work hard and I was eventually successful in what I did.

As a native speaker of any international language, you can find jobs abroad. A popular one is teaching English. You can also get into modeling or background acting roles. Your chances of being employed in international companies (whatever the field) are also high because of the diversity you would bring to the team. These are all perks to bank on and make the most out of.

3. You become more diverse.

This is one that’s on the flip side of feeling a cultural imbalance. As much as I don’t feel too attached to one culture, I feel connected to more than just one. I’m still very much Zambian and have some of those bits still in me. I lived in Turkey, learned the language, lived with locals, and ate their food. That was a place I called home for a long time. So I have some of those bits in me too. I don’t think I’ve picked up anything Hungarian yet but I’m picking up some bits of the European culture.

I love how I’ve been able to stay true to myself as a black woman while still embracing a different environment. My heart’s more open to learning and receiving others and I cherish that. That doesn’t mean I would have been a bum if I lived at home. But there’s truly something different about being out of your comfort zone that does you good. This is true for black people, POC, and white people abroad.

And I celebrate myself more. I love how my skin glows under the bright sun, and how lip gloss looks on my full lips. I love that I have wide hips. And the things. 😄 I like that my accents are different and that I had the courage to move miles away from home. I trust myself so much more. I love myself more.

4. You’ll connect to a whole lot more people

Living abroad, especially as you start to build a community, opens you up a lot. I’ve met other girls from different countries whose experiences have surprisingly been similar to mine. Even if they weren’t the same to the last detail, the level of empathy we’re able to express to each other because we relate is mindblowing. It’s so humbling and just shows much we shouldn’t dismiss others based on assumptions. You don’t know what people have through. Or who’s been in a similar boat as you have. You never know which strangers can turn into allies.

Learning from our own experiences is great. But if we can also pick up lessons through the experiences of others, we can grow so much more. Being around women from different ethinic groups, and upbringings has taught me so much and appreciate these specialhumans.

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Side note: I had to look up non-POC and whether that's the right racial etiquette or if white. I didn't get a defined answer. Also, as a black person, it's okay to refer to me as a black woman, and not a POC. 

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Final words on being a black woman abroad

While our environment plays a role in who we are and our standard of living, we are not completely powerless. A lot of the things you experience, at home or abroad affect you based on your perspective. Living abroad as a black woman can be one of the best things ever, or it can be an absolute nightmare. It’s all relative.

So, take the good with the bad. Let’s be honest, we’d experience good and bad in our own countries too—maybe differently, but still. Remember to make the most of your experience. Break out of your shell. Eat food you never had before, go to places you’ve never been and do something that you never thought possible!

Living abroad can be such a beautiful experience and you have the power to make it so. 😀